Are you adulting through the eyes of a child?
Adulting is a term coined by and for millennials to describe doing things seen as responsible and grown-up.
This includes doing mundane things like cooking, laundry, and having a job, budget, and a mortgage as the ultimate sign.
Under most state laws, 18 is the age most are recognized as adults. However, we’ve known scientifically for some time brain development in most doesn’t reach full maturity until 25.
I think adulting should also include navigating really difficult shit with emotional maturity and intelligence.
Hell, I know plenty of teenagers in our lowest income communities manage all these mundane tasks on a daily basis, yet are not considered emotionally mature adults.
The difficult discussions we’ve faced in the last many years, and especially the most recent have brought the opportunity for us adults to really show-off our emotional adulting skills. Yet we consistently bear witness to the most childish of emotional behaviors.
You know what they look like and you may even struggle with some of these yourself. Emotional escalations, blaming, lies, name-calling, impulsivity, bullying, narcissism, immature defenses, not observing the ego, and an uncontrollable need to be the center of attention.
It’s easy to love children who act like children. It’s much harder to love or respect adults who act like a child. But, it might help, if you understand most childlike adults only act childishly when they feel threatened.
If you’re truly interested in a relationship or discourse with this kind of person there are options. One strategy, focus on their less childish behaviors, another is stop being surprised by the behavior, and finally instead of trying to change them, consider what can you do differently so the patterns are less problematic.
Keep in mind our jobs are to keep growing ourselves, not to change others.
Adulting in my mind is achieving control of your emotions, tolerance to confrontation and strong emotion in others, admitting mistakes, honesty, addressing anxiety, asking for help/support, being proactive, and lastly determining and living by your own values.
Work in progress.
